New Perspectives on Self-Esteem

New Perspectives on …….

Self-Esteem

By Cynthia Voelz, Ph.D.

What do you base your self-esteem on?   Is it based on how you look, what kind of grade you get, how much money you have in the bank, your position at work, how healthy you are, how smart you are, what the number on the scale says?  Or is your self-esteem based on what you learned today, how you helped someone out, how you dealt with a tough situation, whether you made good choices?

Self-esteem can be achieved conditionally, based on an end result, such as a grade, a promotion, a win in a sporting event, or a number on the scale.  You feel good about yourself if you have accomplished a goal that is meaningful to you. The positive side to basing self-esteem on hard work and accomplishments is that it may motivate you to work hard and do your best.  But what happens if, in spite of your best efforts, you do not achieve the goal that you aspire too?  Does that mean you are then worthless?

Enter in the concept of unconditional self-esteem.   With unconditional self-esteem, you feel worthwhile simply because you are a human being and because you choose to believe that human beings are born worthwhile.  (Have you ever seen a newborn baby who you did not feel was born with intrinsic value?)  By viewing self-esteem as unconditional, you no longer have to prove your worth through accomplishments or achievements.  Rather, you can enjoy the process on the way to getting to a result.  Instead of focusing on the destination, you begin to enjoy the journey.

By enjoying life’s journey with unconditional self-esteem, you become more focused on learning rather than achieving an end result.  With the focus on learning, failure is no longer seen as a threat to self-esteem.  Rather, failure is seen as an opportunity to learn something new and do something differently.  It becomes emotionally safe to take healthy risks and challenge yourself to grow even more. Self-esteem becomes more about being the kind of person you want to be, based on your personal values, instead of accomplishing certain goals to prove that you are worthwhile. 

Enjoy the journey!