Communicating For Clarity

Communicating For Clarity

by

Calvin Smith, LCSW-C

Communication has been defined as the exchange of thoughts, messages, or the like, by speech, signals, or writing.  We talk about “communication” quite frequently, but do we ever give any thought to how loosely we use the term, leaving an implied message, that we “understand what we hear?”

A major flaw with the English language is that it is subject to interpretation!  When we verbalize a thought to another person, we have an intended message in mind, but how can we guarantee that the message we intended to convey is received as what we intended?  What really takes place is a process of assumption between what was intended, and, what was “received, in interpretation.”  At any rate, if we don’t get feedback, we assume in interpretation, that the message conveyed was clear.

Non-verbal or behavioral communication intensifies even more the process of communication.  For example, “You look sad today”; or, “You haven’t said a word since you’ve been home!  Is something wrong?”  Additionally, we have a tendency to read things into communication received.  Written communication, for example, may frequently leave us asking, “What do they mean by that?”  (Think about a letter of apology or better yet, a love letter.)

Thus the closest true form of communicating may be verbalizing or “talking about it!”  We can check and re-check for clarity of meaning or intent, by saying, “I know what you said, but is what you meant, thus, thus, and so forth?”  We might find ourselves quite surprised by what we thought the other party meant, or didn’t mean!

Communicating for clarity is critical in our relationships, for often, we can make or break relationships with a single utterance of misinterpretation which can result in a lifetime of hurt, misery or conflict.  Plus, the other party may never let on that they’ve been wounded.  So…check to be certain that the message you intend is the message received, and the message received is the message intended.